Our relationship with failure is a choice

This may seem like quite a stark and blunt statement but let me elaborate. Our view of failure is subjective to our own emotional benchmarks and experiences. That benchmark sits somewhere on a line between two versions of the story we continue to tell ourselves, after the event:

• A factual version of the events that surrounded /caused the perceived failure

• An emotional version of events that define how that 'failure' made us feel.

  
  

Our relationship with failure is a choice

As such, our relationship is based on a perspective; a point of view or a matter of opinion borne from a mixture of these two versions of our story – and we get to choose which version we wish to believe:

• Fact – The more we lean into the factual version of events, the more inclined we are to reflect on the 'failure' (notice the single quotation marks) as a teachable moment; a learning experience. As such we are more likely to view the failure with an element of positivity. And, as we move on from that event, we do so with a greater sense of optimism, resilience and confidence.

  
  

• Emotion – Whereas if we allow our emotions to control the narrative, we are drawn to the limiting beliefs or mind monkeys that may whisper in our ear things like "Well, that didn't go very well did it?" Or "What must all those people who saw us do that, think?" And "I tell you what, let's not do that again." And this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy – we don't do it again. We retreat into the relevant safety of our comfort zone, potentially denying ourselves opportunities for future success.

My own relationship

My own origin story, in terms of the relationship I once had with failure, can be told from either perspective – it's a story I have shared in my book and one that I regularly share in the talks and workshops that I give (in fact keep an eye out on LinkedIn for an announcement on Monday about my next free lunch & learn session on exactly this subject).

Spoiler alert: It's about my time in the Lion King and it is one where I heavily leaned into emotion. It did not serve me well. I chose poorly.

Our relationship with failure is a choice. Are you making good choices?