Curiosity, frivolity and generosity

Curiosity, frivolity and generosity

Three gifts you can give yourself, when the world is asking for too much.

• When were you last curious?

• When were you last frivolous?

• When were you last generous with yourself?

And I ask each of these through a lens (of what I call) 'good selfish'. Because curiosity, frivolity and generosity are kindnesses that you can afford yourself at any time...

Except the cost of these kindnesses is time itself

And for many of us, that is too high a price. Why would we treat ourselves to kindness when there is busy-ness to take care of?

Let's do a good old-fashioned cost benefit analysis to make the business (not busy-ness) case. For simplicity, we'll look at the benefits of (and the costs of NOT) for each:

Stay curious

Curiosity is the mindset equivalent of jazz. It is playing around the beats, challenging the order of notes and putting invention and exploration ahead of safety and predictability.

Why does that matter?

Art is curiosity. Music is curiosity, Science is curiosity. Humanity is (at its bravest) curiosity. It is the willingness to wonder 'what if' in the most positive and nourishing way. Curiosity is a source of perpetual motion – an untapped energy source that can inspire, refresh and revitalise. What a gift to be able to give yourself, and all you have to do is let your magical mind breathe.

And if you don't give yourself space to be curious? Comfort, safety, familiarity, predictability. A life more ordinary. Your brain might thank you (it loves a pattern, remember), but your heart and soul will lack.

Be frivolous

In his book, Confidently Lost, Gavin Oattes' daughter successfully persuades him that skipping is the "funnest way to travel". Gavin takes it out to the streets and asks the public. They think it's a trick: "It's not cars because of traffic. Trains are too expensive. Planes are killing the planet." And so on.

They miss the point entirely. So Gavin has to demonstrate.

Would you give it a go? No? Why not?

"What will everyone think? The sight of me skipping down Witney High Street...!"

Spoiler alert: This frivolous act will make you smile on the inside... guaranteed. And then that smile will leak like a 70's Thermos until you're smiling on the outside... and so are a few people who watched you. And not in a judgy way. In a "That lifted my spirits, thank you" kind of way.

There's a lot of good science in frivolity. Research on adult play shows links to lower stress, sharper creativity and greater resilience. Similarly with the infectiousness of a smile – smiling gets mirrored and mirroring creates trust. Go check it out.

Sadly, frivolity is something we unlearn as we're coached through school to 'stop messing about'. To put our time to better use – better equalling 'make more money'. I would strongly argue that is not a better use of our time.

Enjoy those two links, but before you settle down with the learning, go skip. I double dare you.

Accept generous

You deserve to smile, I'm sure. You deserve kindness. You deserve a treat. When was the last time you treated yourself? When was the last time you put yourself first?

I've used the word 'time' twice there. Because our first and most obvious excuse as to why we aren't more curious, more frivolous and more generous to ourselves is that there are more important things we need to do. Even the most magnanimous of us might argue that there are more important people to take care of. They're ahead in the queue.

I won't do the whole 'pouring from an empty cup' thing but the point is valid – the best thing you can do for someone else is bring the best version of you into their life.

The cost of not being generous to yourself? Everyone else gets a lesser version of you. The tired version. The version less likely to smile... to skip... to be contagious in the right way.

With all this in mind, generosity is (in this instance) a simple act of giving yourself time. Prioritising. Making space. Pausing for breath. A moment...

A moment to be curious or frivolous or... to do nothing at all.

A moment of peace. Of self-regulation.

A window in which to value and honour yourself.

The least abundant resource you have at your disposal is time.

4000 weeks, or so they say (hat tip to Oliver Burkeman for that stat).

What will you take back time to do today?

Curiosity, frivolity, generosity. Which one will you try first? Let me know in the comments.

Mark Franklin is The Four Fears^® Guy: a transformational mindset coach, speaker and author working with creative professionals and small business owners who are ready to close the gap between the business they have and the one they actually deserve.