That's not my why...

If you have kids or very young relatives, you may be familiar with the "That's not my..." touchy-feely book series (I used to sell them by the thousands!).

The premise is simple:

1. Take a cute character (baby animals work well)

2. Every page reveals a characteristic of said creature that confirms it can't possibly be yours – e.g. That's not my guinea pig... it's tummy is too scratchy

3. There is a touchy-feely patch, on the guinea pig's tummy, that is scratchy – outstanding sensory development for babies and toddlers you see...

4. "But their tummies aren't scratchy, so this can't be my guinea pig"

5. The final page reveals a feature that confirms the creature on this spread IS yours, because the touchy-feely bit is just right (fluffy ears, etc, etc...)
   

Where are you going with this, Mark?

It's super fun to go through several iterations that, despite all being rather lovely, aren't yours. They're not quite right. But then you get the pay-off. The big reveal. The satisfying "Yay, this IS mine!"

A bit like your 'why'

I bet if I asked you why you do what you do, you'd give a rather lovely answer. Go on, say the first thing that comes into your head out loud (comment below if you want to share).

But what if we then turned the page and I asked again... "And why is THAT important to you?"

If we went a little deeper, peeled back another layer of historic conditioning, of expectation... of compromising on what the world has taught you looks 'rather lovely' as opposed to what is truly lovely to you...

What would your next answer be?

And the next answer?

And the next?

And the next?

What would that final answer be – how far removed would it be from the first thing that popped into your head?

Why it pays to keep peeling back those layers

Let's start with the obvious citation. Simon Sinek built an entire career on this exact question. His TED talk on the subject, "How Great Leaders Inspire Action", remains one of the most watched in the platform's history, and its entire premise rests on one observation: people don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it.

Most of us can answer the "what" fluently. Fewer of us have properly sat with the "why" long enough for it to stop sounding rehearsed.

There's a reason that first answer so rarely holds up under scrutiny. Research on purpose and motivation shows that knowing your why goes beyond just having something nice on your website.

It clarifies your goals, fuels genuine motivation, and directly helps you push through the procrastination and self-doubt that show up whenever your brain's fear centre decides a new opportunity looks a bit too risky.

In other words, a shallow 'why' gives your Mind Monkeys plenty of room to talk you out of things. A more deeply considered one doesn't.

Give it a go

I created the ​Five Whys exercise​ (featured in my book) to help people connect more deeply to their unique and deeply personal 'why'.

The clearer that is in your mind, the easier it is to keep going when things feel a bit too hard, too tense... too tiring.

"That's not my why..."

That first answer... that's not your why...

Keep turning the page.

Mark Franklin is The Four Fears® Guy: a transformational mindset coach, speaker and author working with creative professionals and small business owners who are ready to close the gap between the business they have and the one they actually deserve.

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The author acknowledges that "That's Not My..." is a registered trademark of Usborne Publishing Ltd. and assures that all rights remain those of the trademark holder.