What if it's not YOUR response to an event that currently determines the outcome?

I've written about Jack Canfield's very famous equation "Event + Response = Outcome" many times. I still remember with absolute clarity the training seminar I was at when I first heard it (it was in Leeds in 2007 by the way).

It was a revelation

The 'event' is what the event is. Whatever just happened, has happened.

How you choose to respond to that determines everything.

What if you made better choices?

Once you notice how you want to respond, you can change it – that's how it should work...

1. Pause before you act/react

2. Reflect on / consider the moment

3. Respond 'better'

Simple!

Except it isn't simple... because your response may already have been decided for you and BOOM! It's out there in the world before you even had a chance to consider it.

How did that happen? How did it get away from you so quickly.

Looking for evidence and following the same pattern

Your brain has done you a favour (or so it thinks). It spotted a pattern. It tells itself "I've seen something like this before. This is what we did back then, and it kept us safe. It makes sense that I do that again".

Your safety (your survival) is its number one priority and persuading it otherwise is not a quick fix. Hence it beats you to the draw and fires off the pre-agreed response for you:

• You stay quiet in the meeting even though there was something you felt you should have said. At least you won't upset anyone

• You say yes to the request even though it's not something you really want to do. At least you won't let anyone down

• You ask your team mate to give the project back to you. At least it will get done properly AND you've helped them out

Three responses that, at first glance feel reasonable, because you have practised them before.

But are they YOUR responses?

Well of course they are... you responded right? Or did you? Was it your brain's automatic pilot that has been following an out-of-date playbook? One that was written in your past:

• A moment when a grown up told you to be seen and not heard

• The disappointment of being overlooked in class or not picked for the team

• Someone let you down... meaning no one can be trusted

Meanings and decisions your younger self made when they were too young to know all the facts... And in that original moment, those decisions weren't wrong. You did what you felt was right to stay safe. It felt like the right response. In that moment

The problem is that original response has stuck around. It belongs to that younger version of you... but not today's version of you.

Event + YOUR response = a better outcome

A key part of the Stop Being Stuck® programme is revisiting that younger you, with kindness and understanding. Showing them gratitude for keeping you safe in that moment but accepting it is time to adjust to a new meaning or decision. One that meets you where you are today.

There is no blame or guilt. More a simple thank you before you move on. And then new decision, new guidelines in the safety card for the brain to read:

• I deserve to be heard

• It is okay to respect my own boundaries

• I don't have to do it all myself

If any of this sounds familiar, let me know in the comments. And if you're working on finding a better outcome, we should have a chat.

Mark Franklin is The Four Fears® Guy: a transformational mindset coach, speaker and author working with creative professionals and small business owners who are ready to close the gap between the business they have and the one they actually deserve.