Like, know and trust (you read that right)

How do you show up at networking events?

Ah... networking. A word that doesn't sit well with everyone. The idea of deliberately interrupting people's conversations to make small talk and introduce your business to others (I'm being deliberately clumsy in my description) can make even the most brilliant business owner want to curl up and go home.

But connection to other businesses, building new/more/better relationships, belonging to a community that works for you; as well as precious human contact – these are the checklist rewards for stepping away from your desk for a couple of hours and into a networking space (especially if you are self-employed).

What is 'good networking'?

How do you know you have made the best use of that networking time? What constitutes 'good networking' for you?

For many creatives (me included) there is an element of acceptance and validation that creeps into what 'good networking' looks like. Leaving the room feeling liked and seen. Feeling like you've warmed people up to what you do.

Surely people will want to work with you if you're the person in the room who everyone enjoys being around. The one who tells the best jokes... the one who is liked the most.

You get a post-event buzz. "That was 'good networking'", you tell yourself. And then you wait for the phone to ring.

There is a gap between being liked and being hired

For anyone with even a mild case of 'people-pleaser' in their personality (and most creative, sensitive, 'deeply-invested-in-their-work' business owners have a touch of it), a room full of people enjoying your company is genuinely (and neuro-chemically) rewarding.

You've warmed the room up to what you do... and they're happy to stay warm. That's it. Liking you requires little risk, zero cost and it can be done at a distance.

But what if 'like' meant something more active. What if we could introduce curiosity in to the 'liking' – a curiosity that stirs your audience into wanting to reduce that distance?

Like, know and trust

You're thinking "That's not the saying! It should be 'know, like and trust'". I concede, that is the classic order. But I wonder what difference it would make to acknowledge that 'like' actually happens first; certainly from an emotional perspective.

Let's lean into that.

When you walk into a room of fellow business owners (or any room actually) you will be more drawn to some people's energy than others. There is something about them that you are attracted to.

In that sense (albeit subconsciously), the 'like' comes first.

With 'Know, like and trust' - the 'know' part is refers to awareness only. The person in front of you is 'aware' of you. But they are no closer to understanding how you could actually be of service to them. And they're unlikely to ask (or give you the time to show them), if they didn't walk towards your energy.

For them to ask, to lean in, to take a small risk, there needs to be a reason for them to be curious.

What reason are you giving someone to lean in?

What is the one thing (the first thing) you could say about what you do, that would almost always invite a response of "Tell me more"? How do you genuinely make your time together about them? How do you make it impossible for them not to want to continue the conversation after the event?

How do you spot the part of their story they are wrestling with (the bit they are looking for help with), and how do you do it in a way that sits with your values, your personality and your likability?

That last part matters hugely

Because it is the antidote to what most creative business owners fear/dislike most about networking – the clumsy pitch. The rehearsed 60 seconds. The 'salesy' bit.

It feels 'icky' because it's asking for trust before you've earned the right to it.

This is where curiosity works its magic. Curiosity leaves an enticing gap. And the person standing in front of you gets to decide, entirely on their own terms, whether they want to lean in and find out what's on the other side of that gap.

And creating curiosity in line with your values and personality shows a confidence, a clarity and a sense of authority. And that clarity and authority is what sparks just enough trust for them to say, "tell me more".

So next time you leave a room feeling liked, enjoy it. It's a lovely feeling, and you've earned it. Then ask yourself the only question that actually matters.

Did you give anyone a reason to wonder what happens next?

Mark Franklin is The Four Fears^® Guy: a transformational mindset coach, speaker and author working with creative professionals and small business owners who are ready to close the gap between the business they have and the one they actually deserve.